Commit to Something

It's freeing I promise

My Dear Readers, I have been away from writing for far too long. It’s been a busy time for me and I want to give myself grace and say that I know writing will always be here to support me when needed. But there is something so calming about creating structure and dedicated time to getting my thoughts out on the page, weekly. In the midst of the chaos of my life - which is exactly what I’ve been dreaming up - I’ve realized how much I need consistency. Consistency of humans around me, my surroundings, my habits, and the things that bring me joy.

This is partially why I decided it was time to say goodbye to my cozy getaway in upstate New York: it’s exhausting to always be on the move. It also means you can’t make consistent friend groups, places you go, or to put it plainly: plans. You can’t make plans! My Dear Readers, did you already know this? At first, it’s exciting. But then, it’s exhausting. And while I loved my home up there, it was time. I said goodbye - well, really see you later because I know I’ll be back even if it’s occasional - and in the midst of my grief, I also felt a resolve. Because I knew it was right.

Saying goodbye from my cozy bedroom upstate. I bought that lamp and dresser from my favorite antiques shop: Ball & Claw

And now that I’m back in the city full time, I feel excited. To be consistent with my friends, sign up for a pottery class, weekly salsa classes, maybe do some Padel again like I did in Buenos Aires. I’m so excited to build consistency, which I’m realizing builds community. It’s comforting.

I continue to learn this lesson: committing to something creates so much space. Deciding “yes” doesn’t mean “yes, and this will be a binding decision for the rest of my whole entire existence.” I forget that sometimes. It means “yes!” (for now until I decide to do something else!). It’s liberating. And it removes the exhaustion that indecision fuels. It means I can finally rest into clarity. * Takes a deep breath *

Goodbye to my gorgeous backyard filled with snow

The consistency of place means I can live into my routines. This includes coming back to my writing. There is a time and a place for rigidity of routines, but I realize how badly I need them when I have come out of the routine for far too long. It can be intimidating to return. Sometimes, you just need to pull off the bandaid. So here we are. I’m making my comeback - once again - to the land of Substack. Because I need it. Because I love it. And because I’m a Capricorn Rising, what can I say?

My Dear Readers, I wish you rest, routine, and the courage to commit to something.

Love,

Natalie